#22 GRAMPS CHATS WITH A LADY READER ABOUT WHY MARRIAGE IS A BAD IDEA

Dear Gramps,

writes Happy Mrs. X.

It is clear from your comments that you are cynical regarding marriage. I can understand that attitude based on your relationship history as laid out pun intended in the BBBB books. 

From the female viewpoint, though, I can say from personal experience that not all men/husbands are angels either. I happened to marry a member of the Sicilian Mafia an unhappy fact that I discovered only after we were married. He treated the children and me like his possessions and stalked us when I left him after seven miserable years of abuse. With his threats against our lives, we were lucky to escape without serious harm. I thank God that he is now dead. But I learned my lesson.

However, I have been happily “married” to a wonderful man for 23 years..going on forever. We never applied for an official marriage license at the county courthouse, but were married by a minister friend of ours who signed a simple, informal marriage certificate. Thus, in the eyes of the state, we are not really married. Anytime a person registers anything such as an automobile, birth, marriage, business, that entity comes under the control of the state. They the state can then do anything they damn well please with that registered entity. And, money-grubbing attorneys can benefit from the situation. So, I agree with your advice to never get married formally.

Maybe someday your heart will heal from the pain inflicted by the she-devils you were married to.

Your Friend
Mrs. X.

Gramps answers:

I am surprised that a woman would agree with me.

In my anti-marriage comments, I said that a”legal marriage” was also a bad idea for a woman –especially if she was a woman of property or professional with a good income. You agreed! Tho for different reasons. You just wanted a quick way out in case things went wrong for you the “second time around.”

Your Mafia ex-first-husband would have probably treated you just as badly–married or not….but at least if you had lived together a while, unmarried, and had agreed it was on a trial basis —then, maybe you could have negotiated for your release, and escaped earlier. But a jealous partner is always a royal pain in the butt.

As for me, I am emotionally recovered from all the bad experiences with ex-girlfriends & wives — long ago,…Today I always would advise my own kids [boys or girls], my friends and certainly my clients never to rush into a marriage. I would say 30 -40 years of living together on a trial basis— like Jack Benny did— is about right. After 3o years and a few kids, the piece of paper is probably so unimportant that it is no longer an issue.

Thanks a lot for your informative “true confessions”

Post your comments, thoughts, related personal experiences, corrections or questions below.